I wanted to write a little post here to talk a bit about where I’ve been for the last few months. A drought in content on my blog deserves at least some sort of post explaining it. Such is the life of a content creator on the internet eh.
So put simply, I stopped writing bi-weekly last year in October since I was in hospital for a week following major surgery. A week doesn’t sound like much, but it took another 2-3 months from there to start getting my life back to normal again in terms of being able to do anything at all. I’m fine now, though, really.
The issue comes in when you consider what such a break does to your mental state. It takes a lot of effort to write these blog posts. My theorycrafting articles take upwards of 5-10 hours to produce. I make dozens of fits that you don’t see and spend a very long time considering what people will think, say, use them for. On top of that, there’s the actual writing and the formatting… don’t get me started on formatting here in WordPress.
All said, this stuff takes a lot of energy and, more importantly, motivation. The latter is what I have been lacking for much of the last year. In addition to being a writer on my blog, I am a full-time engineer and part-time contract copywriter. I’m a CEO of a large wormhole corp and I’m trying to lead my own indie dev project. I’m trying to upskill my coding skills while also learning real languages. It’s a lot.
What’s more, is that quite honestly I have been struggling to stay supportive of EVE Online these past six months. I am not happy with the state of the game and Fanfest served to utterly crush any hope I had of EVE doing well. Limping towards the third decade, as I describe in my State of EVE article, feels more and more like it will be the case. It’s hard to write articles for EVE when you have such a low opinion of it right now.
Am I just being melodramatic? A bittervet? A relic of the old EVE? Perhaps, and maybe that means that I should just stay quiet and keep my depression and apathy to myself. I can’t pretend I don’t have these feelings regardless of how well-grounded they are.
An excellent point I have heard stated by a corp director, Cynreth, is that we can look at this from the other side instead. If this truly is the final slope towards a quiet death for EVE then the best thing we can do is enjoy it while it’s there. EVE is a truly unique game with so much incredible potential. There’s nothing like it and there’s nothing like the bonds I have forged during the past 87,000 hours of my life.
So before this sounds too sad or like a quitting post, it’s not. I am still here and I want to write more. I am just so busy and have very little motivation to do so. I have a few ideas knocking around in my head that I want to write up and time will tell if I do it. It’s just hard to justify spending an entire day off on such a project.
I could say all of this in far fewer words, but sometimes it helps to write. This 600-word spiel tells my story better than a few bullet points can. I need to find the joy in my own personal writing again to be able to properly continue. My current outlook on work and play is that I will do everything possible to avoid burnout. I’ve burned out on things so many times and it’s so much more destructive than just making changes when you feel it coming. In this case, it meant not forcing myself to write when I knew it would kill me.
I hope people aren’t too upset at my lack of posts; I’ll try and have something new soon. It will probably be a guide, though I would quite honestly consider a second blog for fictional/story writing. We’ll see!
Perhaps it will all be better if I can land a new job that values my skills (hire me!)