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Where Have I Been?

I wanted to write a little post here to talk a bit about where I’ve been for the last few months. A drought in content on my blog deserves at least some sort of post explaining it. Such is the life of a content creator on the internet eh.

So put simply, I stopped writing bi-weekly last year in October since I was in hospital for a week following major surgery. A week doesn’t sound like much, but it took another 2-3 months from there to start getting my life back to normal again in terms of being able to do anything at all. I’m fine now, though, really.

The issue comes in when you consider what such a break does to your mental state. It takes a lot of effort to write these blog posts. My theorycrafting articles take upwards of 5-10 hours to produce. I make dozens of fits that you don’t see and spend a very long time considering what people will think, say, use them for. On top of that, there’s the actual writing and the formatting… don’t get me started on formatting here in WordPress.

All said, this stuff takes a lot of energy and, more importantly, motivation. The latter is what I have been lacking for much of the last year. In addition to being a writer on my blog, I am a full-time engineer and part-time contract copywriter. I’m a CEO of a large wormhole corp and I’m trying to lead my own indie dev project. I’m trying to upskill my coding skills while also learning real languages. It’s a lot.


What’s more, is that quite honestly I have been struggling to stay supportive of EVE Online these past six months. I am not happy with the state of the game and Fanfest served to utterly crush any hope I had of EVE doing well. Limping towards the third decade, as I describe in my State of EVE article, feels more and more like it will be the case. It’s hard to write articles for EVE when you have such a low opinion of it right now.

Am I just being melodramatic? A bittervet? A relic of the old EVE? Perhaps, and maybe that means that I should just stay quiet and keep my depression and apathy to myself. I can’t pretend I don’t have these feelings regardless of how well-grounded they are.

An excellent point I have heard stated by a corp director, Cynreth, is that we can look at this from the other side instead. If this truly is the final slope towards a quiet death for EVE then the best thing we can do is enjoy it while it’s there. EVE is a truly unique game with so much incredible potential. There’s nothing like it and there’s nothing like the bonds I have forged during the past 87,000 hours of my life.

So before this sounds too sad or like a quitting post, it’s not. I am still here and I want to write more. I am just so busy and have very little motivation to do so. I have a few ideas knocking around in my head that I want to write up and time will tell if I do it. It’s just hard to justify spending an entire day off on such a project.


I could say all of this in far fewer words, but sometimes it helps to write. This 600-word spiel tells my story better than a few bullet points can. I need to find the joy in my own personal writing again to be able to properly continue. My current outlook on work and play is that I will do everything possible to avoid burnout. I’ve burned out on things so many times and it’s so much more destructive than just making changes when you feel it coming. In this case, it meant not forcing myself to write when I knew it would kill me.

I hope people aren’t too upset at my lack of posts; I’ll try and have something new soon. It will probably be a guide, though I would quite honestly consider a second blog for fictional/story writing. We’ll see!

Perhaps it will all be better if I can land a new job that values my skills (hire me!)

Ashy

Published inEVE Online

5 Comments

  1. Hey Ashy,
    I can relate a lot to that last part about writing about internet spaceships. Sometimes things come up that are just more important than that. Live is like that.
    Sometimes I can’t find a good reason to write. Then I just stop. But I have found other times where I begin three new posts a week, almost finish them. Then I want to keep my own quality up and put in another prove-reading session in, add illustrations, thumbnail, tags… it just adds up and eats away your time. Currently there 250 drafts saved on my blog… Making something “good” just takes its time. No matter what it is.
    But I also want to get that stuff out of my system. I have some days (or nights) where I can not not write. And I enjoy those moments.
    A while ago I have reduced my working hours. 4-day work week. And as long as I can afford it, I’ll keep it that way. I guess balancing money, time and happines is the real challenge of the modern world. It’s a tirangle, and we have the luxury to wiggle around within it.

    o7

  2. Average Eve Pirate Average Eve Pirate

    Glad you are feeling better…I refer to your fits constantly as I play eve. So I just want to say that I really appreciate all your efforts. Your explanation of the fits and logic behind the decisions has helped me learn so much in this game. I share your site/fits with newbros all the time too.

    And Eve will go on, until something replaces it (which never seems to happen). Until then, I continue to happily shoot nerds in the face with my internet spaceships 🙂

    o7

  3. Wind Side Wind Side

    I prefer to talk to ppl ingame, actually i am excited to see in local the ones i read/watch on internet. That is bit hard with WH crowd since you refuse to talk in local (i dont have this kind of block – Friend Ship aspirant?:)). So this may be only way beside over my frozen biomass talk (didnt happened in WH yet)..
    I am little over one year in game and bit sorry that i found EVE this late, seeing how most of vets are kind of sad over state of things. But i am also greatly sorry about how is state of the world and also has the feeling of being here bit late 🙂 Same that i cant travel the world in 1960-1980, IRL i dont have warp and RLML on my car (drivers in my coutry are savages) and that i cant watch holoreels that i find ingame.. oh this should be encouraging.. 🙂 soo..

    Thanks for your blog, i am constantly returning and rereading as its mostly information heavy. There is so much i didnt try in New Eden yet. You are the person who teach me to use PYFA (still learning.. now its installed on 4 comps including the one in work and sync is bit of nightmare, but i have a bunch of polarized fits that just need to wait until i am not lazy to actually make some ISK, oh and 65k EHP blaster PVE naga:)). Because of you i can be smart ass on corpchat and some of our new corpmates fly in better fitted ships, maybe even understand what was bad on their fit before.

    I enjoy those rare places on EVE internet where ISK/hour doesnt seem to on first 10 places of priority list. So my typical monday is to check Ashy, check greybill, check Dad Dex, check Newb Eden (5 months of nothing).. I dont need to check Rixx, he is maniac, i just need to cath up 🙂

    Do as you feel is good and i will check on monday, if there are updates.

    Wind Side

    PS: did you ever wondered why there are no ships names on killmail?

  4. This is how it starts… I hope not for you, but it is. I played, and blogged, about EVE for 10 years… far and away not the most prolific of bloggers, however I knew and blogged with Nash, Jester, Sugar Kyle, Fiddler… names you may not even know now as they are all long gone, same as me. Eaten by the HTFU and CCP’s constant and unrelenting war against itself… and it’s playerbase. I really enjoy your take on EVE, hope you don’t succumb to the suck.

    But, if you do… you really might wanna check out what’s been happening in SC lately, I’m DAMN happy there… just sayin. =]

    And GOOD luck on the job search!!

    • I’m familiar with Nash and Jester at least 🙂 I’ve been around in EVE for a decade now.

      As you may or may not know, I run Foxholers. We’re currently one of the biggest wormhole corps and I like it that way. I don’t intend to leave or quit any time soon.

      That said, I am extremely upset about the direction of the game. I believe that we are on a steady downward slope with about 2 years left before things get too quiet to continue playing. I just don’t detail that so much in articles directly lest I draw the ire of certain people.

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